brand new eyes

i feel i've grown a lot in the past month or so. somehow my priorities have become clear and i'm pretty sure of what i need and don't need, sure of what matters to me or not. i didn't realise this while it was happening but for a moment there i was all over the place and very, very lost. it's a nice feeling knowing now that i'm back on the rails.

dum de dum

do i miss my natural hair colour? hmm...
I AM GOING TO GROW MY FRINGE BACK

beginnings

i just came across the photo indexes for the very first 2 rolls of film i shot with my first lomo cam, the colorsplash. the photos look so much nicer than i recall. in fact i like them more than any of my recent shots. i've tried every unlabelled cd-r in my house already but none of them contain my photos. and i have a feeling i hastily threw all my film out in my post-breakup fury. shit.... i want these photos :(

NESTING DOLLS

OMG I WANT. SO BADLY

blub

04 06. paradiz. zombies dying all around me. lips cracking.. painful. supperclub just now. first time clubbing lol. bored...

blue

just living and learning

fifteen

apart from the fact that i was higher than i'd ever been i didn't really enjoy myself that much. i don't know why i do this. my priorities are all over the place and i feel pretty fucked up. i did something terrible and it's too late to say this but i love you so much and i am sorry. you gave me the best birthday present i could've gotten.

4

i miss you all. so much.

shengy ninja sial

EH YOU

EH BUDDY. WHAT HAPPEN TO YOU!!?!?!?!!!?!

bury the castle

apt.

wishing spheres

headed down to the esplanade library to read after tuition today. decided to sit on one of the couches in the reading lounge facing the window panes, and the first glimpse out of the library i had kinda took the wind out of me. i just sat there frozen for a minute or two, surprised, maybe a bit dazed. the river was dotted with lots and lots wishing spheres, the white ones people write their wishes on with permanent marker. i've done that too for the previous two years, but recently i'd forgotten entirely about them... until that glimpse out of the window pane. so for that minute or two i recalled what i'd written on them in 2007 and 2008, and it reminded me of all the hope i had before. and i realised that all that hope is lost now. if you were to hand me a wishing sphere and a permanent marker today, i'd be at a loss for what to write.

growing up should be the last thing a child wishes for. too bad by the time one understands that, it's far too late.

dream

shengy always find the pretty music. (sial)

didn't go to eugene's in the end yesterday. probably will tomorrow. i slept at 1ish last night, and here i am awake at eleven, so i may have just successfully forced my body clock back into place!! ah, life is dull.

one two three four

i just tossed and turned in my bed for 1.5 hours... hate not being able to sleep. holidays are pretty nothing. brother and i are recording at eugene's this saturday. other than that and the december chalet and tokyo, i have no plans. brill.

18

this is my brother, he turned 18 today! well yesterday, technically.
we went out with his friends for dinner and drinks after at tanglin club, and he got pretty damn wasted. it was funny.

fish&co, then..

135BC

i found my old house on Google Earth!!!

Google Earth should really update their images though. it was torn down like a year ago

land of talk

it's okay,
i don't even cry
all i think about
is a memory
in that dream
when you kissed my arm
as i look away
don't hear what i say

that maybe when i die
i get to be a car
driving in the night,
lighting up the dark
something in your voice
it sparks a little hope
i'll wait up for that noise
your voice becomes my home

Her Morning Elegance

amazing song, amazing vid :]

woops

i just moved the entire iMac to my room because it was way too stuffy outside. my dad will be so pissed off if he finds out... which is why he isn't going to.

emailmeform

02 09

trimmed my bangs. they slant now.

-

i've grown to like this aloneness
i suppose i'll be staying

fun with photobooth

consider me a mac convert!

nick moon

WHY DID HE HAVE TO HAVE A DRINK IN HIS LEFT HAND. WHY.

boundaries

hear
silence
choking you
listen to the world
run
away
speaking true
break down in the cold

the red dot

highlights: boundaries / no one is angry, just afraid / the smoke saves lives /
nick moon's voice. he is so fucking beautiful

nobody listens

this is me,
stepping,
away.

the starting line

i have a feeling i am always going to feel like an outsider.

like finally right

taken with my vivitar uws.. not fantastic, i know. been so long since i used film. btw, my fujifilm digicam is going to be fixed! :-) BTW SHENGY I TRIED AND TRIED BUT MY SCANNER DIDN'T WANT TO SCAN YOUR FACE

blackbird, fly

how does one not fall in love with this??

there goes the fear

there's this unspoken list in my mind of words so frequently used they've lost all their meaning. sorry's up there number one. i try my best not to use it even if i really am. i think of all the times i've heard it so feebly mumbled and i never want to sound like that.

milk tea

i have a feeling that there is a reason behind anything, everything, and it is really just a matter of whether you are willing to admit it or not.

ultimate ears

today is a good day :-)

she's got you high

have you ever been somewhere and known that you could stay in that spot forever? i miss that place. i'm not sure when where or how i'll find it again. i'm not even sure if i will.

until then i run

use somebody

listening to intoxicated josh do covers over msn/skype. it's nice to have (comparatively) old friends. feels like i've known him longer than 2 years. sweet jesus, he's singing hey ya. clearly drunk.

(edit: he did lady gaga too)

(edit: made him do a simple plan song. i feel like an achiever of sorts)

4

my grandmother's come over for a few days. for no reason in particular, my mother told me, so i guess all's good and i'm glad. i was never really very close to her but i hope she's happy.

like brothers on a hotel bed

on the back of a motorbike
with your arms outstretched, trying to take flight
leaving everything behind
but even at our swiftest speed
we couldn't break from the concrete
and the city where we still reside

you may tire of me
as our December sun is setting
because i'm not who i used to be.

because i hate studying

i was looking through my photos on fb and mm i have met some awesome people this year



miss you all, exams be over!!

lc-a+

MADI!

happy birthday madi you are sixteen so old omg your birthday is on the 3rd of october and mine is on the 3rd of december and i have the same birthday as your brother while you have the same birthday as matt's haha so funny anyway i hope you enjoy yourself today i love you many many

not-so-late night

"Error
This journal has been deleted and purged."

i still go to ridingracecars every now and then even though i know what i'm going to see and that it will never change. it's funny to think how that very space once held so much but now everything it contained is just.. gone. no longer in existence. not even as particles floating in the air. the only place now i will ever find those years' worth of my life is my memory. which has, unfortunately, been working far too well.

broken tree

i quarrelled with my mom today. this is the first of many to be. well actually maybe not. i might be too tired for a lost cause.

current addiction:

waste

i am naive. i know that still, deep down inside of me, there is a part that believes that if i wish badly enough for something, it'll actually happen. i understand perfectly that this idea is ridiculous. however my heart does not cooperate. and no matter how tiny, how insignificant, that part may be, it will always shine brighter than anything else i am, because that part is where my love is.

need to take more photos ie my camera to be fixed

i told my brother that the dark makes me cry and he laughed and he laughed and he laughed
he thought i meant i was afraid
i still...

fire burning

"Last night was intense," - The Giamster

And indeed it was! Telling my brother I was going downstairs (which I was) at about 0100, catching a cab to Jerald's, walking rounds in the estate and receiving death threats from dogs interrupted mid sleep, stealing his dad's vodka, a cigarette or two, Jerald Amber Jon Ben and Siobhan, a bench by the playground, burning leaves burning buds burning everything, sitting on the swing, run back to Jerald's house to pee against the guys' suggestion to find a bush, the Jovel game, playing Drink or Dare and being dared to drink, a full cup of vodka and piupiupiupiupiupiupiupiupiupiupiupiupiupiupiupiu fun laughter senseless conversations senseless thoughts hugs and kisses girls and boys and girls kissing girls sitting and standing bench or ground oh we were so wasted out of our minds. Well I know I was. Almost passed out but Jerald and I, we made it (WE MADE IT!) back to his place after a walk I honestly cannot remember and we crashed. But not before puking. The pull-out bed had no blanket though and it was cold stiff. We woke up at about 11 and had to figure out how to get me out of his room since his dad was home. Well he somehow managed to close the door of his parents' room so we got me downstairs and told him that I'd just arrived to return Jerald something, and I stayed for lunch. The journey home was pretty torturous. The weather was being so merciless, there was no bus out of the estate and I hadn't brought my iPod. I remember observing the veins on my feet. But I had such a glorious sleep upon reaching home I just woke up not more than an hour ago.

However we did not take any photos. They would have been hilarious.
I wouldn't mind if my parents went on holiday more often.

2:31 AM

waterballoons, a baby's cry

CALLING ALL FANS OF BLOC PARTY

THIS IS
A M A Z I N G !

-

those moments in immense darkness after going to bed and before slipping into unconsciousness - easily the worst hours of the week

cheap thrills

sunday morning, rain is falling

by my window i sometimes like to sit and think and sometimes, just sometimes, the ground doesn't seem so far away.

tonight might be long

x

a person tells about 4 lies a day on average and one of the most common is "i'm fine."

:D

on loss

there was a whole lot of sobbing, an abnormally large number of tears shed. all these different feelings clashing with each other in my head at the speed of sound and light combined. shivering under the covers. tossing and turning for hours on end. a few nights at once. my insides shaken. i came to fear bedtime. there was nothing i wanted to feel less than the screaming solitude. i could die and nobody would find me til morning.
those nights left me well acquainted with the dark.

sorry to spam

but omg. omgomgomg.

the morning light

shuffle is playing a lot of mae

by my window i sometimes like to sit and think. when all seems bleak. my thoughts can bring me places my hands alone cannot reach. have you ever wondered what it feels like to fly? the battle against gravity. the lack of ground beneath your feet.

such loving siblings

"dearest brother, can you please buy more bandung"

"Dearest sister, you can go downstairs and buy it yourself. $2.50 for 6"

zach chow's 17th!

finallyyyy some photos!

















photos by jerald and yiying

fire away, samson!

like a needle dragging through your skin

someday came.

so, in this hour..

i hadn't realised that the coin compartment of my wallet was open until it snapped shut when i was fiddling with it. by then my hair clip, house key, eyeliner brush, tkgs badge and invasion guitar pick were gone.

Hiatus
(not from this blog.. from life)

who i am hates who i've been

i don't want you to know where i am
cause then you'll see my heart in the saddest state it's ever been

HEY HO LET'S GO!

apologizing in advance for lengthy rant

what will it take to feel again?

i remember all these emotions i experienced and i'm not sure what happened to them. everything just slipped through my fingers and now all i am is void.. apathy. how long? the ground, it's cold, it's rock-hard, my bones are aching, please, just, sweep me off my feet.. now.

comes in the real priorities - learn to feel at ease around people, recover the energy i once had and can't seem to find, organise my thoughts, make things right again with you, let the sounds surge through my veins the way they did before, understand: here is now, let love in, learn to feel at ease with myself

i understand fleeting now. it all makes sense.

chocolate

stay alive

but i can't live forever, i can't always be
one day i'll be sand on a beach by the sea
the pages keep turning, i'll mark off each day with a cross
and i'll laugh about all that we've lost

.

FML

pitter patter (goes my heart)

head's feeling a little heavy today.

eating in the studio

i'm still reeling i think, i had so much fun i'd never smiled so wide

TRANSITIONS THE EP

a crowdsurfer kicked me in the eye!

Jerald Kor Kor, Coeway, Darren, Zach, Zakhran
congratulations, i am very happy for you!
you guys played amazing today ♥
and from the bottom of my heart, tonight is a night i will remember.
congrats to savingsomeone and tacit aria as well :)

drama floor anthem

my fujifilm compact camera is working!
the lcd screen is still cracked though, so more point-and-shoot photos
it's pretty fun that i don't get to see my photos til i get on to the com
fortunately they turn out surprisingly decent :)

zzz

go to bed - 12:00 hrs
receive wake up call, whine for another 20 minutes - 14:40 hrs
roll over, check phone to find twelve missed calls and four text messages - 18:00 hrs

._.

^^

these are my friends..

BRAND NEW EYES

SO STOKED.

EH

Matt says:
i arguing with zak now
Colleen brand new eyes 51 says:
about what
Matt says:
pants

this is my sundown

good goodbye, lovely time
good goodbye, to sunshine
good goodbye, i'll be fine
good goodbye, good goodnight.

sigh

i should probably prepare myself to let go

FUJIFILM F31FD, YOU ARE A WONDERFUL CAMERA
RIP

1234

yesterday was terrible. my dad was being so unreasonable. so yeah my camera might not be saved any time soon, or ever. i cried for the first time in a long time. yes i shed more tears over an electronic device than i can probably cry over any other human being. but anyway. this camera means a lot to me. probably more than any other human being does.

pieces

(via hellfiredevil)

will get that somewhere someday
got that.

for the hope that burns in your eyes

'henri' the album launch was on friday
it was really really fun!
happy for them :)

-

i remember
i remember
you said you felt shakey
and i said me too

(m)orning

whatismae.com

belief

In these times of grief,
Frustration, desolation,
We just need belief.

cassie

"Do you know what hurts the most about a broken heart? Not being able to remember how you felt before. Try and keep that feeling, 'cause if it goes.. You'll never get it back. Then you lay waste to the world and everything in it."

swallow

Helios says:
meh
you only live once
youre only young once

superficiality

(via miiiiow)

love is rather like a dream, isn't it? everything goes right and you're afloat, weightless. but it doesn't matter how long or how deep your sleep is - you are going to wake up. and then, your dream will be as good as nothing. since it never happened

i had a dream last night.

wear and tear

some days i worry that there comes a point by which no amount of rest is going to let me feel as bright as i once did

mirror you miroki

the lcd display of my beloved digital camera is fucked so today i went lomo











happy birthday in advance bella :)

self-conclusion

fade in, start the scene
enter beautiful girl.
but things are not as they seem,
as you stand at the edge of the world..

paper feet

by thursday i'm counting minutes

-

(photo credit: jerald giam)

53

i actually really detest what school does to me. it drains me of so much energy - i barely have any capacity left for emotion. i can't feel happy or sad i can't love i can't hurt. all i can feel now is exhaustion and it takes over me.

one day to go

ststutter

he's soo adorable! cheers my entire wednesday up :)


jamming in the examination room mmm. had lesson there today to get acquainted with the mic, the echo sounded really freaky when i laughed.


i'm never going to run out of black hair ties again


"my feet can't reach the pedals!!"
heeee :D

btw: someone finds my photos worth posting! *o* stoked.

sushi

you hold your chopsticks funny

squish

finally got my scanner to work

press play

i know i know it's only monday but GOD I WANT MY WEEKEND BACK

hobotastic

congrats wei! :)








reaaally long night.

looking from the outside in, everything became ugly
nevertheless the night took a turn for the better

xavia

i'm quite happy today i spent time with people i love :-)

but

going to knock down that post cos it makes me cringee.

academy @ hv is pretty cool, but only luth, akie and zu moved over. really going to miss athif and fandy and sara and all the other teachers who i never really knew but still exchanged smiles with. the new branch is a lot less homely which just makes it all the more hard to accept. never took too well to letting go.












sushi w the girls earlier today, (or yesterday if you speak technical)









★

"eh, serene macs tonight."
who?
"me, ash, kenneth, jusiang maybe."
ash?
"ashleigh."
isn't she the guai one?
"uhm, kind of guai."

yester

i remember at that very moment i could have sworn i was happier than i had ever been/i didn't need to figure out how to smile/it did not occur to me that that would be the last time/there was nothing to gloom over, no dark cloud over our heads/simple. sweet. gone./nothing is coming back now/we will never be the same

sometimes

perfect posture, but you're barely scraping by
but you're barely scraping by

elizabeth

"sometimes i think i was born backwards
you know, come out of my mum the wrong way.
i hear words go past me backwards.
the people i should love, i hate
and the people i should hate.."

got nothing but

today we caught santa slacking off at spinelli
check out my paparazzi skills


i got more photos printed but
they didn't ask for my preference between matte and glossy
i like my photos matte.
however they turned out glossy
i blame you, instant kodak machine!

ps: i didn't make fun of you. it was a mere quote. :)

#55

"Eh sorry i damn fail. I dropped something on the floor. Then i bent down to pick up and my head press against the power button. Hahahaha"

om nom nom

this is my new favourite photo because
FOR ONCE YOU CAN SEE THE BLUE IN MY HAIR!!!
Matt says:
om nom nom

slutss.

dan syazwan perpetually looks drugged up.

intimacy

(leave me alone and i will spend.)

bring me back

from 2008

oscar wilde

addicted to this video!

she

needs some place to belong to once again

israel?

city and colour

i guess, yes, it has been a while since i felt beautiful

brick by boring brick

hi wurld
school begins tomorrow
i have no idea where all my black hair ties and clips are
the pink file is still about half my bag thick
should probably get down to some filing
met jerald for lunch just now
we had thai
should have gotten my hair ties and clips then
don't know how i'm going to sleep early tonight
don't know how i'm going to wake early tomorrow
cannot talk to matt because he is studying
why must jc have exams right after holidays grggh
i think i am going to miss timbre very much during school
just deleted my myspace
it was so disgusting it was dripping with you
bye wurld
btw i did not tweet "I love jerald giam!"

brand new eyes

september 29, i can't wait!!

job attachment #6 - the finale

"jesus just tried to pick up my girlfriend!"

job attachment #5 - the NOW

job attachment #4 - the 90s

i got too lazy to take photos at night

marching bands of manhattan

sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole/just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound/but while you debate half empty or half full/it slowly rises, your love is gonna drown

via macabrism

job attachment #3 - the 80s

black black hair

job attachment #2 - the 70s

job attachment #1 - the set-up

the real deal begins tomorrow

useless

www.xkcd.com

life's a bitch

i like my teeny tiny hairclips

garden state

something i won't forget in a while:
"but what do you do, i can't quit.. what do you do? you laugh. i'm not saying i don't cry but in between i laugh and i realise how silly it is to take anything too seriously."

iron & wine covering Such Great Heights was perfect. i likeys. :)

yiying's 16th

photos (mostly) by Jerald G Moreno
★

-

i approach these stranger places with nobody by my side
taking comfort in the mere fact that remembering this won't sting my eyes,
not the way remembering does now.
i remember you, you know that? i remember you.

abcz

hi everyone, meet Helios, my gay best friend
he LOVES barbies

squish squish

hee hee hee

AOR

I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT HOLLAND V RIGHT NOW
i only have 2 more classes in the existing branch at goldhill. my time there was nice i had some fun but i guess it's about time i moved on to greater things, about time i left that place and its memories behind me ★★

the photo album

passing through unconscious states
when i awoke i was on the highway

merry go square

playground parties

so my parents aren't in town for a few days..
wanna hear about the hole in my stockings?








(colleen fail.)

★

messed up child, close your eyes. go to sleep.
you'll wake up to find a day so bright you never would've imagined.
eventually.

crying you out

I LOST MY BABY

smithereens

The stars are not needed now; put out every one
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

i

i just deleted a post but i didn't want to delete this

"I don't quite know you but I love you. You have such a beautiful soul and one day you will have the world, you deserve that and more."

thank you
★★

skipping stones

"eh, that one is the actor of ubin boy!!"

day out w clara, isabella, jerald, coeway and ben
photo credits to jerald g moreno
:-)

pixie faerie dust

i miss you laura yeo
i miss you laura yeo
i miss you laura yeo

well if it's not too late

turns out it was a night for coffee instead

up, up and away

i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost

dance dance christa paffgen

didn't think i'd get to see this again two years ago but
ANBERLIN @ BAYBEATS 30TH AUGUST 2009

#8

so very 2007.
anyway, will miss you J
good luck for camp

of love and loss.. but more on loss

-

"i'm not going to say love doesn't exist because for a while there, i had it. i did. just, don't expect a warning before it leaves."

sickkk

me: can you help me make lunch?
maid: ok, rice with egg ah

- 3 minutes later -

me: finished making?
maid: where got so fast!
me: they say that when you do something ten thousand times, you become a professional at it

(ie i have this whenever i'm home for lunch)

***


amateur takes control, for this cycle, postbox, silhouette, allura, the fire fight, caracal, a vacant affair, nothing to declare, the great spy experiment
spells for an awesome, awesome saturday evening
♥

roots

i find it strange how my mother chose to raise my brother and me up speaking to us in her second language, rather than the one she grew up speaking, the one she speaks to her own mother in. i wonder how she feels that we turned out pathetically handicapped in our and her own mother tongue. does it create a barrier between her and us? i'm not sure. i know for one that my parents are definitely stronger in mandarin but they never spoke to us in the language. why?

breathe out, so i can breathe you in

blue

are you familiar with the colour blue? somehow i feel it all the time, when i look around and i see no one, or i can't put my finger on anybody,anything who i feel completely comfortable around. i live my life mostly afraid, afraid of being judged, afraid of being hurt, afraid of what people might think or say of me. my heart is heavy but i dare not put it out for fear of being ridiculed. this fear.. it leaves me a deep, lonely blue.

unproductive study sessions

it's ok.. the milk tea is worth it